As lawyers, we are trained to analyze, critique, and mitigate risk. These skills serve us well in our professional roles—but when we bring them into everyday communication, they can backfire.
A few months ago, I attended a networking event where we were asked to share a tool that had transformed our business. I spoke enthusiastically about Fathom.video, an AI notetaking tool that creates summaries in a variety of formats and helps me serve my coaching clients more effectively.
Before I could finish, a lawyer in the group cut in with a warning: “Watch out for wiretap statutes.” No questions about how it works. No interest in the benefits. Just a red flag.
That interaction reminded me how deeply our training as lawyers can shape our default communication style. We’re rewarded for poking holes, spotting risk, and advocating for our point of view. But when we apply those same instincts in social or business development settings, they often create distance rather than connection.
Let’s look at some common communication traps we fall into—and how to do better.
Don’t Lead With Skepticism
While risk spotting is part of our professional DNA, it can come across as dismissive or negative in casual conversations. If a colleague shares an idea, a book they enjoyed, or a new tool they’re excited about, try starting with curiosity instead of critique. Ask follow-up questions. Show interest. There may be valid concerns to raise, but when your first impulse is to find the flaw, you miss an opportunity to build rapport.
Try: “That sounds interesting—what did you like about it?”
Practice Level-Two Listening
Lawyers often listen with the intent to respond or impress. We jump in with our own analysis, stories, or credentials—sometimes before the other person has even finished. It’s called “level-one listening,” and it’s a surefire way to kill a conversation.
Effective communicators practice “level-two listening”—focusing on what the other person is saying, asking questions to clarify or expand, and resisting the urge to make it about themselves.
Instead of saying, “That reminds me of a case I had where . . .,” try: “That sounds challenging. How did you handle it?”
Resist the Urge to Correct
I once co-led a presentation where my co-presenter misnamed the author of a well-known book. I caught the error immediately—but I let it go. The reference was clear, and correcting her would have served no purpose other than to show that I knew better.
Letting it slide preserved the flow of the conversation and our dynamic as presenters.
In daily communication, accuracy sometimes matters—but so does tact. Choose your moments to correct. Being “right” is not always the most important outcome.
Show Empathy Before Offering Comparison
When someone shares something difficult—a personal loss, a setback, a frustration—don’t rush to share your own experience. It’s natural to want to connect, but too often, we inadvertently shift the spotlight.
I once told a former boss that my dog had died. He immediately launched into a story about when his dog died. This was a consistent pattern with him, and every time it happened, it confirmed for me what a narcissist he is.
A better approach: “I’m so sorry. That must be really hard.”
Don’t Over-Explain
Our profession rewards detailed storytelling and airtight documentation. But outside the courtroom, brevity often wins.
If you’re telling a success story to a prospective referral source, keep it short. Focus on the outcome and your role—skip the procedural history unless it’s essential to the narrative.
Instead of: “We filed in state court in Florida, the case was removed to federal court in New Jersey, and survived summary judgment. . . .”
Try: “We helped our client win a key motion that saved them significant cost and time.”
Choose Dialogue over Debate
Many lawyers fall into the habit of turning every conversation into an argument—even about trivial matters.
If someone suggests meeting at a new restaurant, do you feel the need to advocate for your favorite instead? If someone recommends a show, do you immediately critique its historical accuracy?
We’re not always aware of how this “default to disagreement” can wear others down. Save your advocacy for places where it really matters. In personal and professional relationships, agreement and openness often foster stronger connections than opposition does.
Don’t Let Risk Aversion Stop You from Reaching Out
Some lawyers hesitate to follow up with a prospect or send condolence notes or birthday greetings, fearing they’ll come across as intrusive or “salesy.” But the opposite is more often true.
Thoughtful outreach builds relationships. A simple note—“I was sorry to hear about your loss”—is rarely perceived as overstepping. Following up after an initial meeting signals interest and professionalism, not pushiness.
Take Off the Lawyer Hat When It’s Not Needed
Our default urgency, skepticism, and precision are great assets when practicing law—but not always elsewhere.
- Don’t pressure a prospective client to sign a retainer if their issue isn’t time-sensitive.
- Don’t turn an informal coffee chat into a deposition.
- Don’t say “yes, but . . .” every time you disagree.
Instead, ask more questions, give others space to share, and focus on building trust.
Be a Lawyer When It Counts—and a Human the Rest of the Time
Lawyers are good communicators—but the best communicators know when to shift gears. In business development, networking, and day-to-day interactions, our ability to build trust depends less on how smart we sound and more on how well we listen, connect, and respond with empathy.
When we take off the lawyer hat and show up as curious, kind professionals—not just analytical ones—we create more opportunities to build the relationships that drive career and marketing success.
Published in the September/October 2025 issue of the GPSolo eReport, ©️2025 American Bar Association