Want to be a better manager (and communicator)? Try excising the phrase “you should…” from your vocabulary.
None of us like being told “you should…”
It brings us back to being a kid and hearing, “You should clean your room.”
Not exactly inspiring.
From my observations, as lawyers, we are particularly guilty of using this phrase.
But when you’re in a supervisory role, your job isn’t just to get the job done. It’s to get alignment, to inspire, and to make people feel heard and valued. That’s how you retain great talent and get their best work.
If something absolutely needs to be done a certain way, say:
👉 “I need you to…”
And ALWAYS say thank you.
That may seem like a subtle difference, but saying “I need you to…” rather than “you should”, suggests that it is coming from you (i.e. it is not a character flaw on their part.)
When it comes to how someone does the work—or how they might grow—consider more collaborative language:
🔹 “Can I make a suggestion?”
🔹 “Help me understand why you approached it this way.”
And then really listen 👂🏻to the answer.
You might still ask them to do it your way. But they’ll feel heard—and more likely to be receptive.
This applies beyond work, too. Even when someone says “you should read [name of latest business book]”, I instinctively bristle.
I don’t mind getting recommendations, but I don’t need someone else to tell me what is good for me.
So next time you’re tempted to say “you should,” pause. Try inviting a conversation instead.
You’ll get better results—and build stronger relationships.