One weekend this past summer, I was leaving New York after a nice visit with my mother’s 98 year old cousin. I was not in a particular rush. It was a very nice visit. So I was not driving particularly fast.
Apparently, not every driver in New York was feeling the same way, and as I was making a big merge to get over to an exit ramp that was on the left side of the Willis Avenue Bridge, suddenly, a very aggressive driver appeared out of nowhere and started honking incessantly. It seems like I may have cut him off.
As I pulled off onto the exit, he pulled alongside me and stared through his window with a menacing look. I then did something which I soon regretted: I gave him the finger.
What occurred next was pretty scary although, fortunately, nothing bad actually happened. The driver drove ahead several car lengths and then pulled over to the side to wait for me. For the next few minutes, I carefully maneuvered to make sure that other cars filled in the space between us. Eventually, I lost him on the road.
My impulsive reaction brought to mind the phrase “Increase the distance between the match and the fuse”. It is a phrase that has a lot of relevance in the workplace (and in life in general).
The expression is often used metaphorically to describe the practice of creating a buffer or a delay between a potential trigger and a reaction.
Essentially, it means putting measures in place to prevent immediate, possibly impulsive reactions to situations that could lead to conflict or negative outcomes. Clearly, this is not what I did in this situation.
In stressful work environments like law firms, there are situations where it is easy for a partner to get angry when an associate makes a mistake. Clients have high expectations and sometimes the stakes are quite high.
What a good manager learns, however, is that barring a crisis situation, when a mistake happens, it’s time to pause and ask questions to understand.
Jumping to the conclusion that the associate is not a good lawyer or that the mistake cannot be corrected, is highly problematic. Aside from being ineffective in many situations, it can destroy workplace morale and be a disincentive for the associate to learn from the mistake.
Having impulsive reactions, particularly reactions of anger, can cause turnover in an organization.
Practicing mindfulness is one way to gain more control over reactions. If we learn to observe our emotions rather than act on them immediately, we can learn to become better managers.
For lawyers who are wired to have a high sense of urgency about most things, this is a hard muscle to exercise. But in the long run it is an muscle to build.
I will surely think twice before reacting in the way I did on the highway.
If you want to be a good manager, think twice before your anger gets the better of you